Really great people make you feel that you, too, can become great.

Recipe for a long life: Only smoke while awake. Only run when being chased.

Religion consists of a set of things which the average man thinks he believes and wishes he was certain.

Repartee is something we think of twenty-four hours too late.

Right is right, and wrong is wrong, and a body ain’t got no business doing wrong when he ain’t ignorant and knows better .

Rise early. It is the early bird that catches the worm. Don't be fooled by this absurd law; I once knew a man who tried it. He got up at sunrise and a horse bit him.

Rome seems to be a great fair of shams, humbugs, and frauds. Religion is its commerce and its wealth, like dung in the Black Forest.

Sacred cows make the best hamburger.

Same material, apparently; but one is vivid, brief, and can do damage.

Sane and intelligent human beings are like all other human beings, and carefully and cautiously and diligently conceal their private real opinions from the world and give out fictitious ones in their stead for general consumption.