When the end of the world comes, I want to be in Kentucky, because everything there happens 20 years after it happens anywhere else.

When the human race has once acquired a superstition, nothing short of death is ever likely to remove it.

When the peremptory challenges wereall exhausted, a jury of twelve men wereimpaneled—a jury who swore that they hadneither heard, read, talked about, nor expressedan opinion concerning a murder which thevery cattle in the corrals, the Indians in thesage-brush, and the stones in the street werecognizant of!

When the time comes that a man has had his dinner, then the true man comes to the surface

When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.

When you ascend the hill of prosperity, may you not meet a friend.

When you catch an adjective, kill it.

When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.

When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old .

Whenever the literary German dives into a sentence that is the last you are going to see of him until he emerges on the other side of his Atlantic with his verb in his mouth.