Marry a man your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.

You want to look younger. Rent smaller children.

By far the most common craving of pregnant women is not to be pregnant.

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.

The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing.

The reason women don’t play football is because eleven of them would never wear the same outfit in public.

Sex is identical to comedy in that it involves timing.