What is it that confers the noblest delight? What is that which swells a man’s breast with pride above that which any other experience can bring to him? Discovery!

What is Man? Man is a noisome bacillus whom Our Heavenly Father created because he was disappointed in the monkey .

What is the chief end of man?-to get rich. In what way?-dishonestly if we can; honestly if we must.

What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin.

What marriage is to morality, a properly conducted licensed liquor traffic is to sobriety.

What ought to be done to the man who invented the celebrating of anniversaries? Mere killing would be too light.

What work I have done I have done because it has been play. If it had been work I shouldn't have done it.

What would men be without women? Scarce, sir...mighty scarce.

Whatever a man’s age may be, he can reduce it several years by putting a bright-colored flower in his buttonhole.

Whatever you say, say it with convictio n