The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

Things could be much worse. I could be one of my creditors.

What is a home without children? Quiet.

What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.

Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? Because they’re worth it.

You can’t buy love, but you can pay heavily for it