If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

When someone asks you, A penny for your thoughts, and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?

Why is the man (or woman) who invests all your money called a broker?

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other going in opposite directions.

Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?

Eventually, alas, I realized the main purpose of buying cocaine is to run out of it.

You have to be realistic about terrorism. Certain groups of people, certain groups, Muslim fundamentalists, Christian fundamentalists, Jewish fundamentalists, and just plain guys from Montanta, are going to continue to make life in this country very interesting for a long, long time.

The very existence of flamethrowers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, "You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done."

Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.