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George Carlin

George Carlin

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Focusing totally on technique, you lose the essence and power of simplicity … The other extreme is just as bad; you see it in a lot of Modern works, where the concept is more important than the technique, resulting in very poor craftsmanship.

The very existence of flamethrowers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, "You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I?m just not close enough to get the job done.

Keep thy religion to thyself.

Eventually, alas, I realized the main purpose of buying cocaine is to run out of it.

From his book - Brain Droppings

You have to be realistic about terrorism. Certain groups of people, certain groups, Muslim fundamentalists, Christian fundamentalists, Jewish fundamentalists, and just plain guys from Montana, are going to continue to make life in this country very interesting for a long, long time.

You Are All Diseased

Hobbies cost money but interests are free.

George Carlin: You Are All Diseased

The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other going in opposite directions.

Napalm and Silly Putty

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.

As a matter of principle, I never attend the first annual anything.

Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong.

Frisbee Arianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.

I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?

When someone asks you, A penny for your thoughts, and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?

If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

Why is the man (or woman) who invests all your money called a broker?

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.

We’re having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we’re having a swan. You get more stuffing.

Swimming isn’t a sport. Swimming is a way to keep from drowning.

Life is a series of dogs.

I don’t believe there’s any problem in this country, no matter how tough it is, that Americans, when they roll up their sleeves, can’t completely ignore.

Brain Droppings

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.

A lot of gay men stay in the closet because they are interested in fashion.

Don’t just teach your kids to read, teach them to question what they read. Teach them to question everything!

The reason we can’t have the 10 commandments in a courthouse? You cannot post “Thou shall not steal”, “Thou shall not commit adultery”, and “Thou shall not lie” in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians. It creates a hostile work environment.

When I was a kid, if a guy got killed in a western movie I always wondered who got his horse.

The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.

Religion is just mind control.

Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics should be told not to fuck.

Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.

How is it possible to have a civil war?