[ Cuthbert J. Twillie, played by W. C. Fields, responding to the question, “Is this a game of chance?” :] Not the way I play it.

[ Cuthbert J. Twillie, played by W. C. Fields, speaking :] A thing worth having is worth cheating for.

[ Deathbed remark while reading the Bible :] I’m looking for loopholes.

[ Harold Bissonette, played by W. C. Fields, replying to a real estate agent who said “You’re drunk” :] Yeah, and you’re crazy. I’ll be sober tomorrow, but you’ll be crazy the rest of your life.

[ J. Effingham Bellweather, played by W. C. Fields, speaking :] Godfrey Daniel!

[ Larsen E. Whipsnade, played by W. C. Fields, speaking :] You kids are disgusting, skulking around here all day, reeking of popcorn and lollipops.

[ Mr. Snavely, played by W. C. Fields, speaking :] It ain’t a fit night out for man or beast.

[ Of Charlie Chaplin :] The son of a bitch is a ballet dancer. . . . He’s the best ballet dancer that ever lived . . . and if I get a good chance I’ll kill him with my bare hands.

[ Professor Quail, played by W. C. Fields, speaking :] Now that I’m here, I shall dally in the valley—and believe me, I can dally.

[ Rollo La Rue, played by W. C. Fields, speaking :]