Quotes to inspire and reflect

Err, v.i . To believe or act in a way contrary to my beliefs and actions.

Equal, adj . As bad as something else.

Elysium, n . An imaginary delightful country which the ancients foolishly believed to be inhabited by the spirits of the good. This ridiculous and mischievous fable was swept off the face of the earth by the early Christians—may their souls be happy in Heaven!

Effect, n . The second of two phenomena which always occur together in the same order. The first, called a Cause, is said to generate the other—which is no more sensible than it would be for one who has never seen a dog except in the pursuit of a rabbit to declare the rabbit the cause of the dog.

Diplomacy, n . The patriotic art of lying for one’s country.

Distress, n . A disease incurred by exposure to the prosperity of a friend.

Dictionary, n . A malevolent literary device for cramping the growth of language and making it hard and inelastic. This dictionary, however, is a most useful work.

Demagogue, n . A political opponent.

Deliberation, n . The act of examining one’s bread to determine which side it is buttered on.

Dawn, n . The time when men of reason go to bed. Certain old men prefer to rise at about that time, taking a cold bath and a long walk, with an empty stomach, and otherwise mortifying the flesh. They then point with pride to these practices as the cause of their sturdy health and ripe years; the truth being that they are hearty and old, not because of their habits, but in spite of them. The reason we find only robust persons doing this thing is that it has killed all the others who have tried it.

Corrupt, adj . In politics, holding an office of trust or profit.

Consult, v . To seek another’s approval of a course already decided on.

Confidant, Confidante, n . One entrusted by A with the secrets of B confided to himself by C.

Consolation, n . The knowledge that a better man is more unfortunate than yourself.

Common-law, n . The will and pleasure of the judge.

Cartesian, adj . Relating to Descartes, a famous philosopher, author of the celebrated dictum, Cogito, ergo sum —whereby he was pleased to suppose he demonstrated the reality of human existence. The dictum might be improved, however, thus: Cogito cogito, ergo cogito sum —” I think that I think, therefore I think that I am”; as close an approach to certainty as any philosopher has yet made.

Buddhism, n . A preposterous form of religious error perversely preferred by about three-fourths of the human race.

Belladonna, n . In Italian a beautiful lady; in English a deadly poison. A striking example of the essential identity of the two tongues.

Befriend, v.t . To make an ingrate.

Back, n . That part of your friend which it is your privilege to contemplate in your adversity.

Architect, n . One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money.

Asperse, v.t . Maliciously to ascribe to another vicious actions which one has not had the temptation and opportunity to commit.

Ambition, n . An overmastering desire to be vilified by enemies while living and made ridiculous by friends when dead.

Alone, adj . In bad company.

Age, n . That period of life in which we compound for the vices that remain by reviling those that we have no longer the vigor to commit.

Adherent, n . A follower who has not yet obtained all that he expects to get.

Acquaintance, n . A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to. A degree of friendship called slight when its object is poor or obscure, and “intimate” when he is rich or famous.

Accomplice, n . One associated with another in a crime, having guilty knowledge and complicity, as an attorney who defends a criminal, knowing him guilty. This view of the attorney’s position in the matter has not hitherto commanded the assent of attorneys, no one having offered them a fee for assenting.

Peyton Farquhar was dead; his body, with a broken neck, swung gently from side to side beneath the timbers of the Owl Creek bridge.

Aborigines, n . Persons of little worth found cumbering the soil of a newly discovered country. They soon cease to cumber; they fertilize.

The universe . . . is a machine for the making of gods.

WorldWideWeb: Proposal for a HyperText Project.

Religion is to mysticism what popularization is to science.

“Whatever is, is right” . . . This is called following precedents . . . . Thus it is—that, by the comparative blindness of man in each preceding period, the like blindness in each succeeding period is secured: without the trouble or need of reflection,—men, by opulence rendered indolent, and by indolence and self-indulgence doomed to ignorance, follow their leaders—as sheep follow sheep, and geese geese.

The utility of all these arts and sciences,—I speak both of those of amusement and curiosity,—the value which they possess, is exactly in proportion to the pleasure they yield. . . . Prejudice apart, the game of push-pin is of equal value with the arts and sciences of music and poetry.

All inequality that has no special utility to justify it is injustice.

The day may come, when the rest of the animal creation may acquire those rights which never could have been withholden from them but by the hand of tyranny. . . . The question is not, Can they reason? nor, Can they talk? but, Can they suffer?

The word international , it must be acknowledged, is a new one; though, it is hoped, sufficiently analogous and intelligible. It is calculated to express . . . the branch of law which goes commonly under the name of the law of nations .

To articulate the past historically does not mean to recognize it “the way it really was” (Ranke). It means to seize hold of a memory as it flashes up at a moment of danger.

I dreamt t’other night that I was a founder of a sect; of course a personage of great sanctity and importance. It was called the sect of utilitarians .

[ Telegram to a friend upon arriving in Venice for a vacation :] STREETS FLOODED. PLEASE ADVISE.

A highly embroiled quarter, a network of streets that I had avoided for years, was disentangled at a single stroke when one day a person dear to me moved there. It was as if a searchlight set up at this person’s window dissected the area with pencils of light.

[ On his sharing a tiny office in the Metropolitan Opera House studios with Dorothy Parker :] One cubic foot less and it would be adulterous.

[ Upon withdrawing his savings from a bank that had granted him a loan :] I don’t trust a bank that would lend money to such a poor risk.

It is rather to be chosen than great riches, unless I have omitted something from the quotation.

[ Suggested epitaph for a movie star :] She sleeps alone at last.

The body, she says, is subject to the forces of gravity. But the soul is ruled by levity, pure.

There may be said to be two classes of people in the world; those who constantly divide the people of the world into two classes, and those who do not.