Gratitude and treachery are merely the two extremities of the same procession. You have seen all of it that is worth staying for when the band and the gaudy officials have gone by.

Don't wake up a woman in love. Let her dream, so that she does not weep when she returns to her bitter reality

Memories which someday will become all beautiful when the last annoyance that encumbers them shall have faded out of our minds.

I am able to say that while I am not ruggedly well, I am not ill enough to excite an undertaker.

You can't reason someone out of something that they weren't reasoned into in the first place .

Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.

Let us be grateful to Adam: he cut us out of the blessing of idleness and won for us the curse of labor.

Epitaphs are cheap, and they do a poor chap a world of good after he is dead, especially if he had hard luck while he was alive. I wish they were used more.

A German joke is no laughing matter.

The most successful people are those who do all year long what they would otherwise do on their summer vacation .