Religion consists of a set of things which the average man thinks he believes and wishes he was certain.

God's great cosmic joke on the human race was requiring that men and women live together in marriage.

An inglorious peace is better than a dishonorable war.

Only a government that is rich and safe can afford to be a democracy, for democracy is the most expensive and nefarious kind of government ever heard of on earth.

Politicians are like diapers. They both need changing regularly and for the same reason.

Not all horses were born equal. A few were born to win.

Whatever a man’s age may be, he can reduce it several years by putting a bright-colored flower in his buttonhole.

Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.

An ecstasy is a thing that will not go into words; it feels like music.

One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives.