Marriage is like twirling a baton, turning handsprings or eating with chopsticks. It looks easy until you try it.

Marriage is the miracle that transforms a kiss from a pleasure into a duty.

Marriage is the operation by which a woman's vanity and a man's egotism are extracted without an anesthetic.

Never trust a husband too far, nor a bachelor too near.

Some women can be fooled all of the time, and all women can be fooled some of the time, but the same woman can't be fooled by the same man in the same way more than half of the time.

Somehow a bachelor never quite gets over the idea that he is a thing of beauty and a boy forever.

Telling lies is a fault in a boy, an art in a lover, an accomplishment in a bachelor, and second-nature in a married man.

The chief excitement in a woman’s life is spotting women who are fatter than she is.

The follies which a man regrets most, in his life, are those which he didn’t commit when he had the opportunity.

To a woman the first kiss is just the end of the beginning but to a man it is the beginning of the end.