Do we really deserve top billing?

During the Samuel Johnson days they had big men enjoying small talk; today we have small men enjoying big talk.

Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted.

Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for movie stars.

I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.

I don’t have to look up my family tree, because I know that I’m the sap.

I have just returned from Boston. It is the only thing to do if you find yourself up there.

I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back.

If the grass is greener in the other fellow's yard - let him worry about cutting it.

Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats, then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure.