My wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven years and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce; murder, yes, but divorce, never.

A scout troop consists of twelve little kids dressed like schmucks following a big schmuck dressed like a kid.

Growing old is a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either.