Before marriage, a man declares that he would lay down his life to serve you; after marriage, he won't even lay down his newspaper to talk to you.

Before marriage, a man will go home and lie awake all night thinking about something you said; after marriage, he'll go to sleep before you finish saying it.

Every man wants a woman to appeal to his better side, his nobler instincts, and his higher nature --- and another woman to help him forget them.

Falling in love consists merely in uncorking the imagination and bottling the common sense.

It isn’t tying himself to one woman that a man dreads when he thinks of marrying; it’s separating himself from all the others.

It takes a woman twenty years to make a man of her son, and another woman twenty minutes to make a fool of him.

Life begins at 40—but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story to the same person three or four times.

Love the quest; marriage the conquest; divorce the inquest.

Many men kill themselves for love, but many more women die of it.

Marriage is a bargain, and somebody has to get the worst of the bargain.