Its just as unpleasant to get more than you bargain for as to get less.

John Bull’s other island.

Justice is impartiality. Only strangers are impartial.

Keep away from books and from men who get their ideas from books, and your own books will always be fresh.

Kings are not born: they are made by artificial hallucination. When the process is interrupted by adversity at a critical age, as in the case of Charles II, the subject becomes sane and never completely recovers his kingliness.

Ladies and gentlemen are permitted to have friends in the kennel, but not in the kitchen.

Let a short Act of Parliament be passed, placing all street musicians outside the protection of the law, so that any citizen may assail them with stones, sticks, knives, pistols, or bombs without incurring any penalties.

Let no one suppose that the words doctor and patient can disguise from the parties the fact that they are employer and employee.

Liberty means responsibility. That is why most men dread it.

Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh.