Get happiness out of your work or you may never know what happiness is.

The woman who cannot tell a lie in defense of her husband is unworthy of the name of wife.

Death: To stop sinning suddenly.

Marriage: A legal or religious ceremony by which two persons of the opposite sex solemnly agree to harass and spy on each other for 99 years, or until death do them join.

At first a woman doesn’t want anything but a husband, but just as soon as she gets one, she wants everything else in the world.

Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.

College football is a sport that bears the same relation to education that bullfighting does to agriculture.

Love, we say, is life; but love without hope and faith is agonizing death.

The secret of success is this: there is no secret of success.

The teacher is one who makes two ideas grow where only one grew before.