Pain and Despair

If pain for peace prepares

63

If pain for peace prepares
Lo, what "Augustan" years
Our feet await!


If springs from winter rise,
Can the Anemones
Be reckoned up?


If night stands fast-then noon
To gird us for the sun,
What gaze!


When from a thousand skies
On our developed eyes
Noons blaze!

If I'm lost-now

256

If I'm lost-now
That I was found-
Shall still my transport be-
That once-on me-those Jasper Gates
Blazed open-suddenly-

That in my awkward-gazing-face-
The Angels-softly peered-
And touched me with their fleeces,
Almost as if they caredI'm
banished-now-you know it-
How foreign that can beYou'll
know-Sir-when the Savior's face
Turns so-away from you-

If He dissolve—then—there is nothing

236

If He dissolve—then—there is nothing—more—
Eclipse—at Midnight—
It was dark—before—
Sunset—at Easter—
Blindness—on the Dawn—
Faint Star of Bethlehem—
Gone down!


Would but some God—inform Him—
Or it be too late!
Say—that the pulse just lisps—
The Chariots wait—


Say—that a little life—for His—
Is leaking—red—
His little Spaniel—tell Him!
Will He heed?

I tie my Hat—I crease my Shawl

443

I tie my Hat—I crease my Shawl—
Life's little duties do—precisely—
As the very least
Were infinite—to me—


I put new Blossoms in the Glass—
And throw the old—away—
I push a petal from my gown
That anchored there—I weigh
The time 'twill be till six o'clock
I have so much to do—
And yet—Existence—some way back—
Stopped—struck—my tickling—through—
We cannot put Ourself away
As a completed Man
Or Woman—When the Errand's done
We came to Flesh—upon—
There may be—Miles on Miles of Nought—
Of Action—sicker far—
To simulate—is stinging work—
To cover what we are
From Science—and from Surgery—
Too Telescopic Eyes
To bear on us unshaded—
For their—sake—not for Ours—
'Twould start them—
We—could tremble—
But since we got a Bomb—
And held it in our Bosom—
Nay—Hold it—it is calm—


Therefore—we do life's labor—
Though life's Reward—be done—
With scrupulous exactness—
To hold our Senses—on—

I think just how my shape will rise

237

I think just how my shape will rise-
When I shall be "forgiven"-
Till Hair-and Eyes-and timid Head-
Are out of sight-in Heaven-

I think just how my lips will weigh-
With shapeless-quivering-prayer-
That you-so late-"Consider" me-
The "Sparrow" of your Care-

I mind me that of Anguish-sent-
Some drifts were moved away-
Before my simple bosom-broke-
And why not this-if they?

And so I con that thing-"forgiven"Until-
delirious-borne-
By my long bright-and longer-trust-
I drop my Heart-unshriven!

I shall know why—when Time is over

193

I shall know why—when Time is over—
And I have ceased to wonder why—
Christ will explain each separate anguish
In the fair schoolroom of the sky—


He will tell me what "Peter" promised—
And I—for wonder at his woe—
I shall forget the drop of Anguish
That scalds me now—that scalds me now!

I saw no Way—The Heavens were stitched

378

I saw no Way—The Heavens were stitched—
I felt the Columns close—
The Earth reversed her Hemispheres—
I touched the Universe—


And back it slid—and I alone—
A Speck upon a Ball—
Went out upon Circumference—
Beyond the Dip of Bell—

I reason, Earth is short

301

I reason, Earth is short-
And Anguish-absolute-
And many hurt,
But, what of that?


I reason, we could die-
The best Vitality
Cannot excel Decay,
But, what of that?


I reason, that in Heaven-
Somehow, it will be even-
Some new Equation, given-
But, what of that?

I like a look of Agony

241

I like a look of Agony,
Because I know it's true-
Men do not sham Convulsion,
Nor simulate, a Throe-

The Eyes glaze once-and that is Death-
Impossible to feign
The Beads upon the Forehead
By homely Anguish strung.

I heard a fly buzz when I died;

I heard a fly buzz when I died;
The stillness round my form
Was like the stillness in the air
Between the heaves of storm.


The eyes beside had wrung them dry,
And breaths were gathering sure
For that last onset, when the king
Be witnessed in his power.


I willed my keepsakes, signed away
What portion of me I
Could make assignable,--and then
There interposed a fly,


With blue, uncertain, stumbling buzz,
Between the light and me;
And then the windows failed, and then
I could not see to see.

I have never seen "Volcanoes"

175

I have never seen "Volcanoes"-
But, when Travellers tell
How those old-phlegmatic mountains
Usually so still-


Bear within-appalling Ordnance,
Fire, and smoke, and gun,
Taking Villages for breakfast,
And appalling Men-


If the stillness is Volcanic
In the human face
When upon a pain Titanic
Features keep their place-


If at length the smouldering anguish
Will not overcome-
And the palpitating Vineyard
In the dust, be thrown?


If some loving Antiquary,
On Resumption Morn,
Will not cry with joy "Pompeii"!
To the Hills return!

I dreaded that first Robin, so

348

I dreaded that first Robin, so,
But He is mastered, now,
I'm accustomed to Him grown,
He hurts a little, though-


I thought If I could only live
Till that first Shout got by-
Not all Pianos in the Woods
Had power to mangle me-


I dared not meet the Daffodils-
For fear their Yellow Gown
Would pierce me with a fashion
So foreign to my own-


I wished the Grass would hurrySo-
when 'twas time to seeHe'd
be too tall, the tallest one
Could stretch-to look at me-


I could not bear the Bees should come,
I wished they'd stay away
In those dim countries where they go,
What word had they, for me?


They're here, though; not a creature failed-
No Blossom stayed away
In gentle deference to me-
The Queen of Calvary-


Each one salutes me, as he goes,
And I, my childish Plumes,
Lift, in bereaved acknowledgment
Of their unthinking Drums-

I cried at Pity—not at Pain

588

I cried at Pity—not at Pain—
I heard a Woman say
"Poor Child"—and something in her voice
Convicted me—of me—


So long I fainted, to myself
It seemed the common way,
And Health, and Laughter, Curious things—
To look at, like a Toy—


To sometimes hear "Rich people" buy
And see the Parcel rolled—
And carried, I supposed—to Heaven,
For children, made of Gold—


But not to touch, or wish for,
Or think of, with a sigh—
And so and so—had been to me,
Had God willed differently.


I wish I knew that Woman's name—
So when she comes this way,
To hold my life, and hold my ears
For fear I hear her say


She's "sorry I am dead"—again—
Just when the Grave and I—
Have sobbed ourselves almost to sleep,
Our only Lullaby—

I cannot live with You (No. 640)

I cannot live with You--
It would be Life--
And Life is over there--
Behind the Shelf

The Sexton keeps the Key to--
Putting up
Our Life--His Porcelain--
Like a Cup--

Discarded of the Housewife-Quaint--
or Broke--
A newer Sevres pleases--
Old Ones crack--

I could not die--with You--
For One must wait
To shut the Other's Gaze down-You--
could not--

And I--could I stand by
And see You--freeze--
Without my Right of Frost-Death's
privilege?

Nor could I rise--with You--
Because Your Face
Would put out Jesus'--
That New Grace

Glow plain--and foreign
On my homesick Eye--
Except that You than He
Shone closer by-


They'd judge Us--How--
For You--served Heaven--You know,
Or sought to--
I could not--

Because You saturated Sight--
And I had no more Eyes
For sordid excellence
As Paradise

And were You lost, I would be--
Though My Name
Rang loudest
On the Heavenly fame--

And were You--saved--
And I--condemned to be


Where You were not--
That self--were Hell to Me--

So We must meet apart--
You there--I--here--
With just the Door ajar
That Oceans are--and Prayer--
And that White Sustenance--
Despair--

I bring an unaccustomed wine

132

I bring an unaccustomed wine
To lips long parching
Next to mine,
And summon them to drink;


Crackling with fever, they Essay,
I turn my brimming eyes away,
And come next hour to look.


The hands still hug the tardy glass-
The lips I would have cooled, alas-
Are so superfluous Cold-


I would as soon attempt to warm
The bosoms where the frost has lain
Ages beneath the mould-


Some other thirsty there may be
To whom this would have pointed me
Had it remained to speak-


And so I always bear the cup
If, haply, mine may be the drop
Some pilgrim thirst to slake-


If, haply, any say to me
"Unto the little, unto me,"
When I at last awake.

I can wade Grief

252

I can wade Grief-
Whole Pools of itI'm
used to that-
But the least push of Joy
Breaks up my feet-
And I tip-drunken-
Let no Pebble-smile'
Twas the New Liquor-
That was all!

Power is only Pain-
Stranded, thro' Discipline,
Till Weights-will hang-
Give Balm-to Giants-
And they'll wilt, like Men-
Give HimmalehThey'll
Carry-Him!

How many times these low feet staggered

187

How many times these low feet staggered-
Only the soldered mouth can tellTry-
can you stir the awful rivetTry-
can you lift the hasps of steel!

Stroke the cool forehead-hot so oftenLift-
if you care-the listless hair-
Handle the adamantine fingers
Never a thimble-more-shall wear-

Buzz the dull flies-on the chamber windowBrave-
shines the sun through the freckled paneFearless-
the cobweb swings from the ceiling-
Indolent Housewife-in Daisies-lain!

He fumbles at your spirit

He fumbles at your spirit
As players at the keys
Before they drop full music on;
He stuns you by degrees,

Prepares your brittle substance
For the ethereal blow,
By fainter hammers, further heard,
Then nearer, then so slow

Your breath has time to straighten,
Your brain to bubble cool, --
Deals one imperial thunderbolt
That scalps your naked soul.

For each ecstatic instant

For each ecstatic instant
We must an anguish pay
In keen and quivering ratio
To the ectasty.


For each beloved hour
Sharp pittances of years,
Bitter contested farthings
And coffers heaped with tears.

Dying! To be afraid of thee

831

Dying! To be afraid of thee
One must to thine Artillery
Have left exposed a Friend-
Than thine old Arrow is a Shot
Delivered straighter to the Heart
The leaving Love behind.


Not for itself, the Dust is shy,
But, enemy, Beloved be
Thy Batteries divorce.
Fight sternly in a Dying eye
Two Armies, Love and Certainty
And Love and the Reverse.

Each Scar I'll keep for Him

877

Each Scar I'll keep for Him
Instead I'll say of Gem
In His long Absence worn
A Costlier one

But every Tear I bore
Were He to count them o'er
His own would fall so more
I'll mis sum them.

Distrustful of the Gentian

20

Distrustful of the Gentian-
And just to turn away,
The fluttering of her fringes
Child my perfidy-
Weary for my-----
I will singing go-
I shall not feel the sleet-then-
I shall not fear the snow.

Flees so the phantom meadow
Before the breathless Bee-
So bubble brooks in deserts
On Ears that dying lie-
Burn so the Evening Spires
To Eyes that Closing go-
Hangs so distant Heaven-
To a hand below.

Did Our Best Moment last

393

Did Our Best Moment last'
Twould supersede the Heaven-
A few-and they by Risk-procure-
So this Sort-are not given-

Except as stimulants-in
Cases of Despair-
Or Stupor-The Reserve-
These Heavenly Moments are-

A Grant of the Divine-
That Certain as it ComesWithdraws-
and leaves the dazzled Soul
In her unfurnished Rooms

Denial-is the only fact

965

Denial-is the only fact
Perceived by the Denied-
Whose Will-a numb significance-
The Day the Heaven died-

And all the Earth strove common round-
Without Delight, or Beam-
What Comfort was it Wisdom-was-
The spoiler of Our Home?