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Poems List

Explore poems from our collection

David Letterman

David Letterman

Sometimes when you look in

Sometimes when you look in his eyes you get the feeling that someone else is driving.
46
Bruce Barton

Bruce Barton

When a load of bricks,

When a load of bricks, dumped on a corner lot, can arrange themselves into a house; when a handful of springs and screws and wheels, emptied on a desk, can gather themselves into a watch, then and not until then will it seem sensible, to some of us at least, to believe that all these thousands or millions of worlds could have been created, balanced and set to revolving in their separate orbits -- all without any directing intelligence at all.
37
Jack Handey

Jack Handey

Sometimes you have to be

Sometimes you have to be careful when selecting a new nickname for yourself. For instance, let's say you have chosen the nickname 'Fly Head'. Normally, you would think that 'Fly Head' would mean a person who had beautiful swept-back features, as if flying though the air. But think again. Couldn't it also mean 'having a head like a fly' I'm afraid some people might actually think that.
43
Bruce Barton

Bruce Barton

Most successful men have not

Most successful men have not achieved their distinction by having some new talent or opportunity that was at hand.
77
Bruce Barton

Bruce Barton

Advertising is the very essence

Advertising is the very essence of democracy.
40
Carl Schurz

Carl Schurz

If you want to be

If you want to be free, there is but one way it is to guarantee an equally full measure of liberty to all your neighbors. There is no other.
21
Steven Wright

Steven Wright

If toast always lands butter-side

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it
25
Ben Stein

Ben Stein

Nothing happens by itself. It

Nothing happens by itself. It all will come your way, once you understand that you have to make it come your way, by your own exertions.
47
David Letterman

David Letterman

I'm just trying to make

I'm just trying to make a smudge on the collective unconscious.
17
Ben Stein

Ben Stein

The indispensable first step to

The indispensable first step to getting the things you want out of life is this: Decide what you want.
46
Ben Stein

Ben Stein

It is inevitable that some

It is inevitable that some defeat will enter even the most victorious life. The human spirit is never finished when it is defeated... it is finished when it surrenders.
37
Jack Handey

Jack Handey

Is there anything more beautiful

Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset And he's carrying a beautiful rose in his beak, and also he's carrying a very beautiful painting with his feet. And also, you're drunk.
42
Ben Stein

Ben Stein

You must take the first

You must take the first step. The first steps will take some effort, maybe pain. But after that, everything that has to be done is real-life movement.
69
Carl Schurz

Carl Schurz

Our country, right or wrong.

Our country, right or wrong. When right, to be kept right, when wrong to be put right.
22
Steven Wright

Steven Wright

What's another word for Thesaurus

What's another word for Thesaurus
22
Ben Stein

Ben Stein

Somewhere there is a map

Somewhere there is a map of how it can be done.
39
Ben Stein

Ben Stein

There is no sudden leap

There is no sudden leap into the stratosphere. There is only advancing step by step, slowly and tortuously, up the pyramid towards your goals.
53
David Letterman

David Letterman

Fall is my favorite season

Fall is my favorite season in Los Angeles, watching the birds change color and fall from the trees.
37
Jack Handey

Jack Handey

If I was the head

If I was the head of a country that lost a war, and I had to sign a peace treaty, just as I was signing I'd glance over the treaty and then suddenly act surprised. 'Wait a minute I thought WE won'
26
Ben Stein

Ben Stein

You can do what you

You can do what you think you can do and you cannot do what you think you cannot
50
Ben Stein

Ben Stein

No one will do it

No one will do it for you.
101
Carl Schurz

Carl Schurz

Ideals are like stars you

Ideals are like stars you will not succeed in touching them with your hands, but like the seafaring man on the ocean desert of waters, you choose them as your guides, and following them, you reach your destiny.
27
Steven Wright

Steven Wright

The Meaning Of Life The

The Meaning Of Life The reason that we're all here is that it was too crowded where we were supposed to go.
36
Ben Stein

Ben Stein

Personal relationships are the fertile

Personal relationships are the fertile soil from which all advancement, all success, all achievement in real life grows.
79